Lost Love
by Angel Eyes2
Summary: Buffy can't stop thinking about Angel, and how he left her. truly different type of story! R&R! ALL FINISHED!
1. Can't hardly breath thinking of you

Giles had left for the weekend. He was going to pick up a new spell book in........ Los Angeles. "The City of Angel" she called it. Not Angels, Angel. Her Angel. The one that didn't love her. She felt the tears welling up, as always. It wasn't fair, she had tried so hard, so very hard.  
  
But the pain was too much to bear, she ran up to her room. Opening her jewelry box she took out the cross and put it on. Then she searched around for her Claddagh ring. She put it on with the heart pointed towards her. She would always belong to Angel, the mark on her neck proved it, and the love that ran deep in her blood proved it too.  
  
Suddenly memory hit her so hard she was gasping for breath. She had slitted her fellow slayers stomach for him. She had given her life to him so he could live, yet he still left her, still tormented her heart. Why? She could not take it anymore. Taking her weary back-pack she shoved a pencil, paper and a stake in it. She ran back down the stairs, out the door into the dark, stormy night.  
  
"Buffy?" Dawn questioned. Shrugging she turned back to the magazine she was reading. Well actually she turned back to the spell book she had hidden in the magazine she was reading. She still was so angry at Willow she couldn't stand it. She was going to make her pay, just as soon as she found a spell to make her more beautiful than her sister......  
  
Buffy with a swift kick, knocked the door down that led into Angel's former apartment. She looked around the vast empty space and her eyes automatically located the spot where his bed used to be. Her eyes filled with tears remembering that special night they shared. That night that cause him one moment of true happiness, that lead him to lose his soul. All that remained was and old bed frame.   
  
Buffy started crying openly, bitter tears washed down her cheeks as she remembered the good times and the bad. He said he would love her forever, she recalled, but he had lied. He left her, and took back the day of the oracles. He didn't love her he never had.   
  
The cruel words of Angelus echoed in her mind " You know what the worst part was? Pretending that I actually loved you, if I'd have known you would've given it up so easily, I wouldn't have bothered."  
  
Then the part where she had to kill him. She always wondered if he never forgave her for that. He didn't know that she had almost died herself when he was gone. When Glory had come.....she told Giles  
  
" I can't do it again, I loved Angel so much and I had to kill him because I'm the slayer, it's my job. Well I'm telling you, I can't kill some one I love again, I won't do it, I won't kill Dawn, and I'll kill anybody who tries to hurt her."  
  
The night she had jumped, she couldn't bear to live without Angel, and her mom, and now Dawn. She just wouldn't be able to do it. She wasn't afraid of jumping, she knew all the pain would end, no more crying at night for Angel or her mom......the pain would be gone.  
She had been happy, had been at peace, the she was dragged back into this horrid world, it had been too much. She needed to share with someone, someone other than Spike....Angel, she needed to talk with him. But he didn't come. Willow had called and he knew she was alive, yet he didn't come, because he didn't love her.  
She had gone to Spike. Knowing that he was Angel's son, his childe. That Angel's blood ran through him. She had been relieved, yet disgusted and horrified about what she had done. Spike was a good person, she no longer thinked of him as a vampire. But she didn't deserve him. And she didn't want him, she wanted......  
  
" ANGEL," she screamed in agony, taking from her back pack she pulled out the stake, pencil, and paper.   
  
" Giles, you made me the best I could be thank you, Spike you've helped me more than you'll ever know. You are a great person. Willow, thank you for everything. You were the best friend. Tara, take care of Dawn for me, you were a better sis to her and a better mom than I could ever be. Xander you were the best," she scribbled. Then at the bottom she wrote " Angel, if I couldn't live with you, I couldn't live at all...........Love always, Buffy.  
  
Laying the paper on the floor beside her she grabbed the stake. Using all of her slayer strength, she shove it deep into her already broken heart.  
  
When Buffy hit the floor, in Los Angeles Angel woke up screaming " BUFFY"  
  
  
  
  
  
he he! want me to continue review and tell me whatchya think!!!! 


	2. Love Hurts

" Buffy" Angel panted over and over "something's wrong with Buffy" He slowly got out of bed and opened the door trying not to wake Connor, He heard murmuring downstairs. Quietly he walked over to the stairs and sat listening.  
  
" You have to tell him Cordelia," said Gunn. " He needs to know."  
  
" But having Buffy die once was hard enough on him, I can't do it , it's just a vision some one might have already stopped her or something, all I know is I'm not going to tell him!" Cordelia ranted.  
  
"CORDELIA!" Shouted Wesley, then quieting down he said " Cordelia, Angel has a right to know!"  
  
Angel had enough, " Know what?" he said quietly. Everyone jumped and looked at him guiltily. " Know what?" he repeated.  
  
"Angel," Cordy began, " Well I just had a vision."  
  
" So what else is new?"  
  
" Angel, it's Buffy." Hearing this Angel sank to his knees, but deep inside he already knew what was coming. Her blood that ran through him connected them in such a deep way that no one could ever understand. Her blood, her sweet blood that she had made him take to save his life. "Oh Buffy," he though painfully " Buffy"  
  
" I had a vision that Buffy...... well...... well she killed herself, oh Angel I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."  
  
" What? What are you saying? What do you mean she killed herself? Buffy wouldn't do that. And she's not dead. Quit telling me this, it's not happening" he sobbed.  
  
" Angel," Wesley said, " there's nothing we can do, Cordelia saw what she saw, I'm so very, truly sorry. But there's nothing we can do."  
  
" OH YES THERE IS. I WILL NOT GIVE UP. BUFFY COULD STILL BE ALIVE. BUFFY WOULDN'T GIVE UP. THAT'S NOT LIKE HER. SHE'S STILL ALIVE. I FEEL IT. I'M LEAVING FOR SUNNY DALE AND DON'T ANYONE DARE AND TRY AND STOP ME!" he roared. His face had vamped out and with that he stormed out into the night leaving everyone else behing him open mouthed.  
  
" Hold on Buffy, I'm coming. Don't be dead, please don't be dead." He thought. But he couldn't help wondering at what Cordelia had said " killed herself" ? No that wasn't Buffy. She wouldn't do that.   
  
" Hold on my love, hold on," he mentally told her. " I'm coming."  
  
thanks for the reviews guys, but im gonna be mean, if ya want me to finish the story im gonna have to get 4 or more new reviews to write more. And the endings going to be the best and you'd never guess it! So keep reviewing, lol! 


	3. When the sun comes up..........

Willow trudged up the stairs. She had a long night with Amy, the two had turned the bronze into a whole new place, again. She was wiped out. She just wanted to wash her face and crash.   
  
" Willow, is that you? Come in here," Dawn called from her room.  
  
Surprised, Willow cautiously walked into Dawn's room. There she met Dawn white faced and pacing back and forth like a lion in a cage.  
  
" What is it?"  
  
" It's Buffy, I haven't seen her in hours. The suns going to be up soon, she should be done patrolling. She hasn't called, and she left the house, she was like upset or something. I don't know where she is or what she's doing."  
  
" Maybe she's over at Spike's."  
  
" No I don't think so, she was too upset when she left."  
  
Willow slowly turned her thoughts over in her head.   
"Dawn, Buffy is the slayer, she can take care of herself, I'm sure she's all right. If she's not here in a couple of hours we'll go look for her, okay?"  
  
"Fine," grumbled Dawn, " But I'm still worried about her. What if she's hurt?"  
  
  
Buffy lay on the floor, her breaths coming in short raps. Blood covered the floor around her and her head felt dizzy.   
  
" Damn this slayer crap," she whispered to herself. She had been lying there forever and she still wasn't dead. This was the one time she didn't like her slayer abilities. She wanted the pain to be over with, quickly. She closed her eyes and waited death to come greet her.  
  
Meanwhile the moon had resided and a tinge of pale pink was begining to wash up over the mountains.  
  
" Come on Buffy where are you?" Angel questioned himself.   
  
The sun was almost up, he was in trouble. He would have to reside his look for her till tonight. He couldn't help it. He drove by the bronze and spotted a familiar place, his old apartment. He pulled the car over and got out. Running as fast as he could he pulled his jacket over his head and opened the door just as the sun came up...  
  
Thanks you guys you've been great with the reviews, but i am just feeling evil today, so the 4 review thing b4 i write more! he he, sry this took so long! ill try and be quicker next time! 


	4. Always

The Last Chapter!!!!! Always  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own BTVS or Angel. Do not sue, you won't get anything! Why? Cuz i'm not making anything of this anyway!  
  
Rating : Pg-13  
  
Sry guys this took so long! Tell me what ya thought!  
  
Lyrics: Mandy Moore: Cry  
  
  
Buffy was so weak now she didn't even hear the door creak open, or the light foot steps walking towards her. Her vision was blurred so she couldn't see anything. Everything was a fuzzy image. She felt him though, felt his present. Her heart triggered off, beating faster though it had a gaping wound in it. More blood came gushing out, covering her. She was pleased, he would see her die, it would cause him pain, even if he didn't love her, he hated being the cause of death, so it would still cause him pain. She smiled slightly and started taking her last breaths.  
  
The room was dark, just like it had been before. His vampire instincts could make out the light breaths on the opposite side of him. His senses were screaming " BUFFY" He knew she was hurt even before he saw her, plus he could smell blood, lots of blood. He rushed and kneeled by her. He could see her huddled on the floor, a stake lay protruding out of her chest. Blood covered almost every inch of her. She did not have long he could tell, she was an inch away from death. Her skin was transculent and her eyes, her beautiful green eyes held no light. Pain, cruel, intense pain filled Buffy's eyes.  
  
" Oh Buffy," he whispered. He looked around and saw a note lying beside her. Already knowing what it was he picked it up and read. Tears falling from his face smudged the ink. He read every word slowly and each time he came to one his body filled with more pain. He came to his part and an excruciating pain came over him. He had done this to her. He had killed her. He left her for her own good he had thought, yet Angel had done this to her. His poor Buffy.  
  
" Why would you do this?" he asked her, though already knowing the answer.  
  
" You....i...it.....was a...all.....your fault" she rasped, taking great pleasure in the hurt that overcame his face. His beautiful face.  
  
" Buffy, how could you think that? I never stopped loving you. You were everything to me. I left you because I loved you so much. I though you knew. Oh Buffy, I'm so sorry. You can't go, don't leave me. I wouldn't be able to live without you. I love you."  
  
" You left me," was all she said.  
  
" I'm so sorry," he lay his head down and began crying. Her blood matted her hair, his face, his lips. But he didn't even notice.   
  
" Buffy, I'm so sorry. I love you. I love you," he repeated hoarsly over and over again.  
  
/I'll always remember  
It was late afternoon  
It lasted forever  
And ended too soon  
You were all by yourself  
Staring up at a dark gray sky  
I was changed/  
  
  
Angel knew she wasn't going to make it, no matter what. He remembered all the times they had together. Good times and Bad.  
The first words they had ever exchanged  
  
" Who are you? Lets just say I'm a friend. What if I don't want a friend? I didn't say I was yours."  
  
To that first kiss that had started a love more passionate than all. He had tried so hard not to fall in love with her. But it was hopless. Finally he gave in.  
  
/In places no one would find  
All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)  
It was then that I realized  
That forever was in your eyes  
The moment I saw you cry/  
  
  
She had kissed him when he had his true face on, showing nothing but love towards him. In 250 years, he had found only one love, and she was about to leave him.  
  
  
  
She had given him everthing to him, her blood, her sould and heart, her body, and trust. All he had given back to her was pain. Never shown her his true love for her.  
  
" Angel?" she whispered.   
  
He looked up, pain and love in his mocha eyes.  
  
" I'm s.......sorry. I forgive you.....a....and......I....love you. I always will" she forced out.  
  
" Buffy"   
  
That was all he said, that was all he needed to say. All his love for her and sorriness filled his voice. He touched his lips to hers, still feeling that same spark as always and the both let loos of their tears.  
  
/ the moment I saw you cry..../  
  
He broke apart from her unwillingly.  
  
" Still my girl?"  
  
" Always"  
  
/It was late in september  
And I've seen you before (and you were)  
You were always the cold one  
But i was never that sure  
You were all by yourself  
Staring at a dark gray sky  
I was changed/  
  
  
He brought his lips down again for one last kiss. Before he met her she whispered " I love you"  
  
" I love you"  
  
/In places no one would find  
All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)  
It was then that I realized  
That forever was in your eyes  
The moment I saw you cry/  
  
  
They kissed with as much passion and love as Buffy could muster up, then when her lips relaxed, he knew. She was gone.  
  
/I wanted to hold you  
i wanted to make it go away  
I wanted to know you  
I wanted to make your everything, all right..../  
  
  
  
He lay with her until sun down. Then with all his strength he left and told the gang what had happened after he found them.  
  
/In places no one would find  
All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)  
It was then that I realized  
That forever was in your eyes  
The moment I saw you cry/  
  
  
: 3 weeks later:  
  
Angel was nothing now. Just a empty shell of a person. He wouldn't eat or talk. He stayed cooped up in the apartment. Laying where Buffy had died. Blaming himself over and over again for her death. Playing " If only"  
  
When Buffy had been buried, Angel didn't visit her grave, till now. He walked the streets of Sunnydayle to the cemetary. He wandered among the headstones till he came to a clearing. There she lay. Her head stone read " Buffy Anne Summers" Devoted friend and loving sister"  
  
Angel walked over and sat on top of it. There he took out a rose. A pale pink, so sweet and innocent. Beautiful and soft. they were Buffy. He peeled each petal of one by one till the grave was touched with petals. He sat there just staring at the petals, being brushed by the wind. He took out a stake from his coat. The stake that she had used to kill herself. Her blood still encrusted it. Just as she had done he thrust it into his heart, and his blood and hers mixed once more. He crumbled into ash and dust which sprinkled the petals. The dust and ash of him sank into the earth, falling over her body like a shield. Buffy and Angel, were one.  
  
As weeks and months and years past, Buffy's resting place flourished. The grass upon her was a lush green and there pale pink roses grew all around, covering everything till it reached the headstone were two roses gently draped over it. And now on the head stone it read; Buffy Anne Summers, devoted friend and loving sister. Below now read Angel.  
  
Life or death, their love would continue.....always 


End file.
